To be a villian
by orlha
Summary: What if Loki was never the villain he portrayed himself to be? What if Loki was the greatest hero of them all, a hero that no one would ever know and he did it anyway to protect his brother and all that he loved.
1. Loki

A/N: There are 2 major character deaths in this story and though I skirted much of it, they are still deaths. I'm not sure if anyone wrote this before or anything similar, if there is, I didn't copy and didn't meant to. Sorry in advance! This was written in a semi-hurry and is unbeta-ed, so forgive any mistakes and do point them out if you see any. :)

Hope you like it.

* * *

He watched the universes collapsing upon itself. The worlds and realms burning its eerie aureate light into his eyes. The tree had entrusted its knowledge of the future upon his picayune self when he came into his powers; the truth of the time and magic melding into him. There were things to do, paths to follow and there was no one but him that could achieve it.

Loki stared at his brother in the glass cell. An unfamiliar growing warmth in the back of his eyes. The mask he carried since that day nearly slipped before he pulled a sneer, "Humans thinks us immortal. Should we test that?"

"Move away, please." The mortal man that ran through the door carrying a kree weapon said. He recognized the mortal, the mortal man that would have one day become a friend for life for him had he not walked down this path. The doubts of his decision rose, crowding his mind.

 _Walk onto the path of thorns to become the wall that protects all you hold dear._

He shoved his fears away, knowing full well that the mortal man would survive this. Loki did not dare recall the other memories the Yggdrasil had given him at the moment of his awakening. The fear – or rather the knowledge that he would permanently have to end Phil Coulson one day with his own bare hands gripped his throat like a iron fist. Loki ostensibly mentally labelled him the mortal, refusing to let the version of Phil he knew draw him closer. This _Phil_ was the other Phil, the Phil that he would never be friends with.

"You like this? We started working on the prototype after you sent The Destroyer. Even I don't know what it does. Do you wanna find out?"

His mind screamed for forgiveness as he plunged his staff through the man's heart. His mask threatening to break as he threw the mortal into the wall. He would survive, Loki reiterated to himself as he walked away from the bleeding man. He slapped the switch, watching his brother fall off the helicarrier, a drop that he knew his brother was capable of surviving and as he watched the Chitauri flocked in the city of New York and watched them slaughter the innocent Midgardians, he reminded himself of the cause.

He remembered each death that was caused by his actions: the war on Vanaheim, the deaths in the Battle for New York, Ultron. Sewing each individual sacrificed life into the inside of his coat. Each death brought him closer to the end and each death reminded him of how he had to succeed.

Too much lives to turn back, too far back to give up.

Son of Coul remembered him when he turned to see him sitting in the chair at his desk. Loki hadn't doubted that he would.

"Good tidings, Son of Coul." Loki nodded, sitting in the chair and trying to appear as harmless as possible. He could see the man tensing up, his mind whirling with what he could do. Then resignation. The mortal man knew there was nothing he could to get out or ensure his safety.

"I am not here to hurt you." Loki held his hands up in a placating manner. The fear and panic that the mortal hid so well killed him inside.

"Are you not? I remember-" his words faltered, his hands unconsciously moving up to grip his chest.

A desolate look flickered across Loki's face. He did not put the mask on today. There was no need for masks with him, no need to hide the truth. Telling him this was risky, but Son of Coul, _Phil_ would do the right thing. In the timelines that he had traversed where he had chosen to forgo his given path, Phil was his most trusted friend, his unwavering compass.

"No." Loki steepled his hands. "I am here to tell you a story."

The mortal man frowned. "So you could brainwash me? I think not." His hands inched towards where he kept his gun.

"I do not have to do this, but I believe you deserve to know."

Intrigued, the man sat down on his chair heavily. "So tell me what lies you wish to spin," He replied blandly.

Loki sighed. Trust that he never gained and would never gain. "It is your choice to believe but what I tell you is the truth." He pursed his lips, leaning on his knees. "When magic users in Asgard finish their training, they commune with Yggdrasil, the Tree of Life. Occasionally, Yggdrasil would bestow gifts. Like the Spakona that are given the gift of foresight. I was given the choice."

Closing his eyes, he remembered the eerie light etching into his mind. The end of the worlds and his choice. It could hardly be called a choice for all his options were terrible ones.

"What choice?" Phil prompted.

Loki opened his eyes, catching the man's intense brown eyes. "The choice to tell my brother and thus escalating the Moment, the choice of denying my role and thus ensuring the death of the worlds, the choice of taking up the mantle as a villain, never letting anyone know, killing hundreds thousands and maybe millions as he did and thus ensuring the survival of the worlds, therefore saving the worlds and all their inhabitants."

"That would mean-" he frowned at the trickster god. His brown eyes searched his form as though to assess his honesty. A futile attempt for if he was really trying to lie, the mortal's abilities would be nothing compared to his lying abilities, but Loki was not lying. There was only the terrible truth in his words.

"Millions of Trillions of lives saved," Loki answered his incomplete statement. The number of people exchanged for the meager amount. But they were lives too. He did not want to think of people's lives as numbers. He would not if he had the choice, but he didn't.

There was an understanding look from the mortal man. He knew Phil would understand. "Yggdrasil chose her champions. The plan was to incite Midgard into creating defensive devices."

 _Vision. Ultron._

Phil looked at him, catching his unspoken references quickly. "And that'd stop it?" he asked in disbelief.

Shaking his head, Loki stared at the ground. "Midgard would be the forerunner for the defenses. Out there in the realms, there are other.. " He trailed off. The war in Vanaheim was still too fresh. All the fustian killings he had to do. Innocent blood steeped in his hands. "They still do not have the required motivation. They require one more sacrifice." With Ultron gone, the Avengers had gone stagnant. A death he never wanted to do, not that any of the deaths were something he wanted to.

He heard the mortal's sharp intake. "You mean me," Coulson breathed, his words barely piercing the thick silence.

The terror of killing the counterpart of his best friend, the real Phil Coulson he became friends with, closed on him like vice. He didn't reply the mortal's statement. It was a statement and not a question. They sat in silence. Loki uncertain how to comfort the man, his hands digging into the wooden armrests. They sat in silence, the only sounds was the clapping of feet outside in the hallways, the soft tapping on the things the mortals called keyboards.

The silence grew. Soon he would have to leave. He glanced at the door, feeling the lines of exhaustion carved into his body. Soon he would have to kill _Phil_ in front of the Avengers, soon the tango of his evasion and their pursuit would begin. Loki rested his head against his steepled hands. Soon his death would come. He wasn't afraid to die. He was afraid that after all the blood that was in his ledger and his own death would not be enough to save the worlds.

"Why are you telling me this? I don't understand." The mortal's voice that sawed through the silence was completely flat.

Oh, Loki knew he understood. _Phil_ was far too clever to not. He understood the need to seek forgiveness where he could. In a path where no one would ever find out the sacrifices he had made to protect them-

"I forgive you." The man leaned on his table, across him. "If what you say is true, that is."

Then the mortal paused, inclining his head in his patented emotionless emotional face that Loki had learnt to read in the other timeline."So not to sound eager. When would this be?"

Loki cocked a wry smile. "When you see me once more and then an hour." He stood to leave, pressing his lips together thoughtfully. "You… can't-"

"Tell the Avengers?" _Phil_ nodded. "I figured it."

Loki did not look back as he disappeared. He had far too many things to do, too many distasteful things. That was when he realized that by telling _Phil_ he had done the worst thing possible - he found that timeline's Phil in this _Phil_.

* * *

He watched Midgard destroy itself in its Civil War. All the meaningless deaths. Odin had barred Thor from assisting but he could do not such thing to Loki. With the powers bestowed upon him by the Yggdrasil, he had the ability to shield himself from the eyes of Odin and anyone he did not wish to see him.

Loki watched through the great halls of his childhood. Memorizing each pillar and each door as he trailed a languid hand across them. He was the disgraced prince that received redemption in death. Soon, Odin would not think that of him. Soon, even his brother would look at him with disgust and horror.

"Goodbye Father," he whispered the words that he knew his father would never hear.

"Loki, Son of Yggdrasil," Heimdall's low bass voice pitched across the empty dome as Loki entered.

"Are you changing my name?" Loki smiled tiredly. No masks were ever needed in front of Heimdall. He was tired of Heimdall knew of his true path. Only Heimdall because he too was a champion of the Yggdrasil.

"Nay. Those that were chosen by Yggdrasil becomes her children." Heimdall gripped his forearm – a warrior's greeting. How long had it been since he received one. For the life of him, Loki could not remember. "You are the greatest one of hers. It is my greatest pleasure knowing you." _Even if no one would know._ He understood the subtext beneath the Gatekeeper's words.

Loki turned from him, fighting back the emotions that threatened to escape. The last look of his childhood home. The tall spiraling golden structures that soared into the air, the crisp air.

Only death and destruction for him now. The end of the ends. The end of his role of this tiresome game would soon arrive then he could only hope for the other Champions to carry his work. Champions that would receive the praise that he would never receive even in death. He was not jealous of them. The Tree of Life rewarded her Champions generously and he wanted was that his brother and those that his brother cherished would be happy.

"You have my gratitude." Loki nodded, letting the light of the Bifrost overcome his vision.

 _He walks on bleeding feet, alone. Always alone but never truly alone._

He caught _Phil_ as he is in deep conversation with the man of Iron and man of Shield. _Phil_ nodded at Loki and the two man turned towards him, eyes searching for what had caught Phil's attention. They did not see him because only he had only allowed _Phil_ to see him. Distraught with knowledge of his impending death, _Phil_ embraced the man of Iron and man of Shield. They gazed at him in concern, but _Phil_ did not tell them of what is to come.

Did _Phil_ decide to trust him and do the right thing?

Loki was perturbed by _Phil_ 's trusting nature when he had done nothing to gain it.

Loki stood before the Avengers again. Exactly an hour as he promised _Phil_. His staff is stained with _Phil_ 's blood - again. His brother is surprised at him being alive then horrified that he had killed _Phil_. He evaded their attacks with a condescending laugh, disabling the big green beast and sending the others to the ground. He watched them keenly as they struggled against his powers to rise up against him. They never had a chance against the Champion of Yggdrasil. They never would know that they had gone up against a Champion of Yggdrasil nor would they understand the implication to do so. His brother might have. Thor clenched his fists, even he unable to rise though he struggled vainly. No, Thor would not have believed that he was a Champion of Yggdrasil. They were after all, only things of legends from ages long ago.

Thor had always been silly and naïve. Always so trusting. He knew that Thor would welcome him with wide arms if he choose to turn away from the path that Yggdrasil had bid him to follow. He also knew the countless of deaths, trillions upon trillions should he give up.

"Brother!" Thor looked torn between being happy that he was alive or the fact that he had just killed a good friend.

"You were always such a naïve fool. Did you really think I would perish so easily?" Loki twisted his lips into an ugly sneer belying the gladness in his heart. His eyes darted across the Avengers, ignoring the anger in their eyes before landing on Phil that lay in a pool of blood, cold and dead.

"Still alive? It seems that you are not like ants but cockroaches," he snickered. "Did you like my show?" He clasped his hands behind his back.

"What show are you talking about, brother?"

"Don't be imbecilic, _brother_. It's unbecoming." He morphed his form into a well-known female.

"Maria Hill!" They gasped. He heard their rage interspersed with colourful words.

"Oh yes. Her form is rather pleasing."

"It was you! You who started the war," the man of Iron shouted.

Loki grinned. "With much pleasure too. Well I have things to do. Wars to start." He bowed before vanishing. The rage that seethed in their hearts would grow as they hunted him. The Man of Iron would create fiercer, smarter creatures. They would grow and grow and become the forerunners against the foretold Moment.

Then in his private spaces, Loki wept for the man, _Phil Coulson_. He was the man that became his very good friend during his temporarily stay in the alternate dimension. The helpless fury of his own fate enveloped him. Not allowing himself to fall into despair, Loki squared his shoulders, shuttered his tears and girded his wills.

It was time for his death.

Loki stepped out into the chaos he had created. The buildings were falling from the Kree and Skrull fighting. Out there, he could the little Quicksilver wannabe zipping through the foot soldiers, his soul brother, Billy fighting with only a half grasp of his own powers. Had he not been playing the villain, Loki was tempted to school the boy in the correct way to cast spells. Perhaps someone from Asgard would do it eventually.

Loki glanced at the sky, knowing with certainty that Heimdall was watching. He was entrusted with the fate of being a Villian to save them all, Heimdall was entrusted with the fate to watch Infinity and Eternity but never being able to save any.

Were there never any easy fates for the Champions of Yggdrasil? That was probably why they were only things of legends, Loki mused.

In the streets, the midgardian people were dying, bleeding as the boys tried to save as many as they could. Their scream resounded in his ears.

"LOKI!"

He shifted to the side, letting the energy blast pass him. The red and gold suit of armor stared down at him. His death was never going to be that. Not painless. Loki knew that from the day he stepped onto the path of thorns.

He felt the burn of the bullets from a flash of red hair, then an arrow in his stomach. Then the burn of electricity than ran through his body. He closed his eyes to the fate he had accepted eons ago.

He was dying to save the world and no one would ever know the truth. Loki laughed a mirthless laugh, fading. At least it would a good death. To be a hero by becoming a villian.

 _Live well, my brother._

He smiled knowing that the world would be safe with his death.

 _Like the wind and the dust,_

 _Floating into the sky in a gust._

 _Leaving nothing behind,_

 _But the sound of the wind._


	2. Thor

**A/N:** It is supposed to be a one shot, but I supposed all additional chapters for this story are also one shots and permanently.. left as completed because.. I may or may not come back and revisit it. If you like it to be a longer, fleshier piece or more chapters, do review and let me know that someone out there is reading this! Haha.

* * *

Thor didn't remember much of his childhood and like most Asgardians, he was mostly forgiven if he did. They lived long lives and much of their lives were in 'adulthood' if he had to compare it to the way Midgardians judged each other by their looks.

If he had to admit, he was not the most amicable one around. He was brash, stubborn and had far too little of that gilb that Loki and Baldur had. It had been because of Loki and Baldur that helped him get out of trouble though it was frequently also because of them getting him into the very same trouble.

Thor held Loki in his arms, the brother he once loved. How many had he killed in his pursue for glory and world domination? There were times where he wondered if jealousy had driven Loki into madness, times where he wondered if there was something that he could have done differently to change the course of history.

The day he brashly went down to Jotunheim to destroy the Frost Giants once and for all, he had ignored all reasoning in his arrogance. Loki had always scolded him for being arrogant but he had never seen the need to heed. He was rightful king, soon to be king too. Too little humility that Loki had in spades from standing in his shadow. Always in his shadow.

Was that his biggest mistake?

Blood dripped from his arms as he cradled his brother. The warmth blood, the thick metallic smell that never bothered Thor before stung his nose.

How many battles had Loki followed him into? He never once complained, always there to give him wisdom and a good smack to the head when he needed, especially when Baldur left. It was his fault that Baldur left. Loki never let him forget that. He had known Baldur had been utterly smitten with Lady Nanna, yet upon knowing he, he had in his arrogance and ego told Baldur that that there was no lady that could resist his charms. He refused to listen to Loki who had constantly played peacemaker between him and Baldur.

Loki always played peacemaker. Baldur was very much loved by all of Asgard and he was very much loved by the all of those in court of Asgard. Loki only ever had their mother. Loki had been contented to let Thor all the credit for the countless of battles they had been victorious in.

That was his mistake, wasn't it? Never letting Loki shine even when it was his plan that aided them.

"The fucker is finally fucking dead." He heard the Soldier of Winter mutter behind him. He could not fault the soldier of Winter for his aggression. Loki had been the cause for so many deaths.

His heart lurched as the hand that he held squeezed lightly. Loki stared back at him with his blue eyes, blue like the tesseract and not the first time in the long pursue for Loki did Thor wonder if Loki had been brainwashed as well. Father had told him the story about the tesseract, he had heard about it first hand by the man, eyes of Hawk.

Anger.

He should be feeling anger. How many times he had pleaded his brother to stop his madness, how many times he had defended his brother from the Asgardian court, from the Avengers in hope that he would be able to stop his brother. How many times he had held out in hopes that if Loki had a way of turning back, that he would. Loki, the brother he always had though they were not related by blood.

Thor remembered the summers with Loki when he was still too proud for his own good. He remembered the times that he and Loki had played tricks on Father, attempt to steal apples from the tree of Idunn.

Then everything changed when they had grown up, when he received Mjölnir and Loki received his scepter along with the full-fledged sage status.

"Why wouldn't you turn back?" Thor muttered to Loki, leaning over his face.

Warriors don't cry.

Loki only smiled. His eyes did not waver as he stared back. Warmth bleeding into Thor's core. The warm eyes he remembered from his childhood. How long ago it had been since he last saw it. Thor fought the strange clenching feeling in his chest.

"Brother-" Thor choked on the words. If there was a chance in a million that he could save Loki, he would do it. Even if Heimdall would open the bifrost and he brought Loki to the healers, he knew that it'd be too late. The wounds were too grave for even an Asgardian to live through it.

Odin had ensured it. Loki's death would be permanent even in death. The gates of Valhalla or even Helgafjell would not be open to one that had been forsaken.

A large fat drop of water landed on Loki's growing cold cheek. It was not tears. The skies were crying.

Thor stood, still cradling Loki. Even if Odin had rebuffed Loki, even if the Midgardians refused, Thor would carry him back to Asgard, let his boat sail to the infinite falls, force an archer to light his boat. He did not care. Thor was not going to let anyone stop him. The days of the stubborn prince were gone, but if that was going to take to give Loki a proper funeral, Thor swore that he would do it.

"Wait. We need to make sure that reindeer games is really dead, dead." The man of Iron halted his walk.

"He is still my brother, Stark." Thor said plaintively.

Stark flipped his faceplate. "Sorry point break. You know how it is." There was no remorse in his face and Thor would not fault him. Stark was just another man in a long line hungering for the blood of his brother.

Thor stood, staring at Stark who refused to give way. "Please." Thor said, his voice coming out in a harsh rasp. He had squared his shoulders, now refusing to look at anyone but Loki.

"I'm sorry," the man of Shield murmured and squeezed his shoulder with sympathy.

Thor really did understand where they were coming from. He really did. He allowed the man of Shield take Loki's body from his arms, he allowed them to put Loki's body in a box.

He really understood, but it didn't mean he liked it any bit. His shoulders shook and Thor reached to palm his eyes before anyone could see his face.

 _Please, if there was any way to make this better._

Thor wasn't one who believed that there was anything beyond one's own strength. He never sought to depend on anything the Midgardians considered god or deity. But if there was anything, anyway that he could redeem his brother.

He took a stuttering breath and collapsed onto the seat beside the box.

 _If there was any way to redeem his brother, he would do it._

Thor stared at the oddly tranquil expression on his brother's face. A smile that was nothing sneering or menacing lay on his face. Had he found peace in death? Thor hoped so.


	3. Tony

Tony blasted another of the walking _zombies_. Screw zombies. When he got home, he was banning every single media that mentioned or featured a zombie.

Zombies. Strictly speaking they weren't zombies. They were invaders from a parallel universe that Reed Richards had found. There were many times he appeared to be angry at someone else when in truth the person he was most angry with was himself. Of course the only one person he really let through to realize that was dead.

Dead, dead, dead.

He tried to force himself to concentrate at ripping the crap out of every single bloody zombie. They killed her. He stuck his cannon into one of the creatures, blasting it through the stomach, leaving it to burn to ashes.

 _Oh Tony. Don't be silly. The mistake was his as much as it was yours._

He jerked back, almost turning around to find the voice. Couldn't be her. Pepper was gone. He remembered burying her. The sun was obnoxiously sunny that day as though it was gloating him.

Tony slammed his fist into another creature's jaw, so hard that it sent it flying into another creature.

"Jarvis, memo. When we get home, we're burning every single fucking movie, video, book or comic on zombies."

"Would that be including the song Zombies on your mellow playlist, sir?" Jarvis asked.

"No. Leave it out."

"Would that be including your Zombie army shirt, sir?"

"Cut the sass Jarvis!" He snapped. Why was Jarvis being so sarcastic today? Tony gritted his teeth, burning the body of another creature. No Jarvis wasn't being particularly sarcastic, he was just being touchy.

"I apologize, sir. I was only following instructions."

They lapsed into a strange silence. He shot another of the things that had been targeting Capsicle version 2. He blasted another, feeling satisfaction of seeing the hole in its stomach. Tony buried the burning ache in his heart, throwing himself into killing all of them.

Somewhere to the right of him was Thanos with his superhuman strength and speed, ripping through the creatures _liberated from Death_ as though they were made of paper.

Four years ago, if someone told him that he was going to be fighting side by side with Thanos, he would have laughed them in the face and checked them into a mental facility. Somehow even when it was still hadn't sunk in.

Thanos roared and ripped the head of doppelganger Wanda Maximoff, snatching the doppelganger Marvel twinkie toes or whatever her codename was.

He had seen the X-Men or rather the _Ex-Men_ doppelgangers (pun wasn't lost on him) and watched Wolverine and Wanda burn through them. Tony would be damned if there was a doppelganger of him somewhere, he'd definitely did blast a hole through him.

Then finally, it seemed that the silence had gotten to the other Avengers who had grown used to Tony's rambling over the comms in mid battle.

"Somehow, I'm really glad _Loki_ happened." Bucky deadpanned and Tony couldn't help but agree despite his reluctance to voice it out. The creation of smart bots had assisted in delaying the invasion of the Cancerverse and with the multitude of wars that Loki had started, communication between the realms were at an all-time night.

Thank you Foster.

There was a thank you Loki somewhere beneath his roaring anger but Tony wasn't going to acknowledge it. Loki certainly didn't deserve one, it was not as though he actually _thanked_ anyone anyway.

"Yea. We should totally revive Reindeer games and let him have a go at those _things_."

"Do not speak of my brother that way." Thor muttered, blasting an extra strong blast of Lightning at the zombies.

"He did kill, how many did he kill super-assassin?"

"Seven million." Natasha replied.

"He was under the thrall of the Tesseract."

"Are we really going to have this argument here, Point break?" Tony ducked another of the flying zombies, in pursuit closely behind was several of his smart bots firing his new repulsors cannons, ones that disintegrated everything, zombie bodies in particular.

"Maybe if you were willing to keep an open mind-" Thor begun hotly.

"Mar-Vell!" Thanos roared, ending all arguments that was threatening to break out.

"Fuck. Guys. Guys!" Star-Lord muttered, drawing their attention to the head of the skirmish. The duo jumped back and forth in some intricate vindictive dance. "Thanos is fighting Mar-vell. Oh boy."

The fighting lulled to a stop as everyone began watching the showdown. It was really dumb to do so, Tony admitted. Emo assassin could have sniped him or he could have shot the Overlordy guy and ended this whole fiasco but they didn't.

"They wouldn't die that way," Vision told him even before Tony could suggest.

Considering how the _things_ he killed were sort of climbing back to their feet. He really wasn't surprised.

"I should have brought popcorn." Tony commented.

He could almost hear the frown in Capsicle, wincing to how remarkably alike Steve's tone was to Pep's. "Tony."

A part of him bristled at the thought of comparing anyone to Pepper.

 _"_ _Peps, hold on ok. Honey, we're reaching the med bay. Remember Helen? She's there waiting for us. Just a little bit more okay honey?"_

 _He wasn't going to make it. Why didn't he bring his suit? He should have brought it. He felt the weight of her blood hardening around his arms. Where was Steve? Steve could run faster._

 _"_ _Steve!" he half-sobbed. "Steve!"_

 _"_ _Peps, please."_

 _He cradled her head, her body was barely warm now. He held her hand against his cheek, not caring for the tears that streamed down his face. Shouldn't have fixed the extremis. Should have left it there._

 _"_ _Don't leave me-"_

Tony jolted out of his memories as he watched Thanos beg Mar-Vell to grant him death. "What the fuck! Did he just screw us over?" Tony swore and fired shots at Mar-Vell. It felt like time slowed down as he watched Mar-Vell blast a hole through Thanos. Mar-Vell smirked, deflecting his shot.

"Did you really think you can kill me?" Mar-Vell asked. "Kneel and submit to us, you worthless dying creatures." He stepped over the supine form of Thanos, stepping slowly towards them.

He should have run like what Jarvis told him or what every other instinct told him to, but for some reason, all intelligence and instinct fled him.

Pepper!

The heat ripped through his heart. Tony heard Legolas calling out for him and probably Stars and Stripes too and as he struggled to take a breath to tell them to take a chill pill, Tony noticed the multitude of innumerable stars in the sky, pulsating and almost welcoming. His body was heavy and dozens of thoughts screamed at him, to run, to fight, to hold on. A brush of warmth on his body, a brush on his face, noises that sounded like he was underwater.

He opened his mouth, feeling like he was drowning as his lungs stuttered beneath his ribs.

What was he going to say? He couldn't remember only that his body was no longer heavy, it was light and free from pain. His heart that ached with the death from Coulson and then Pepper didn't anymore, like the heart had forgotten the need to beat.

Tony struggled to hold onto the memories of Pepper.

Her strawberry blond hair sprawled over the sheets. Her wistful sigh when she caught him up to his usual shenanigans. The way she called his name when she was mad at him then sigh with a frown, but under the frown was a smile.

The way her hand felt against his cheek as she lay bleeding in his arms.

A strange peace sat in him as he became aware of the tree that he was sitting under. All his struggles before he arrived here seemed so trivial now.

Tony stepped to the tree with a strange urge to touch its immense trunk. The branches seemed to spread out forever into the space. How far did the roots go? He looked down only to realize that he was no longer wearing the suit.

Was this death? He hoped he wasn't going to be that horrible version of himself in that universe. Tony regretted agreeing to assist the Guardians of twinkly lights. He died helping them, though that wasn't what he regretted. With his agreement to assist, Pepper had become a bystander. Her blood was on his hands. They had killed her because she was important to him.

He heaved a loud sigh, placing a hand on the tree. He felt the grooves of the bark under the skin of his fingers. There was a figure on his right – Loki. He recognized the bugger anywhere.

Taller than what Tony remembered him to be but still dressed with the funny gold horns and the green cape; Loki was standing beside him, touching the same tree. He turned and tilted his face at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Mortal. What brings you to the tree of Life?" He asked politely.

So politely that it startled Tony. "Oh god. Even in death, I'm not going to be free from you am I?" He threw his hands up in exasperation. "You know if and when I meet a genie that granted me three wishes, I was pretty sure haunting you after death wasn't going to be one of them."

Loki furrowed his eyebrows even more than what Tony thought was humanly possible. Wait. Loki was an Asgardian. Yep, not human.

"I apologize. I have not met you before. This is the ritual of Sages, you should not be here." He pulled his hand out towards him and waved it at him before taking a step back.

Rude.

"But you are not really here," Loki pursed his lips. "Or perhaps I am not here. How have you come to arrive here?"

"I don't know. Friend of yours sort of decided to be a fucking asshole and backstab us. Then Energy captain zombie with long teeth decided that I'd be the next to die. Then I died and tree here appeared. Where are we anyway? You say Tree of Life. Do you mean Yggdrasil?" Tony motioned wildly at the tree.

Loki seemed terrified or perhaps extremely baffled by his rant.

"I had a bad day ok," Tony crossed his arms, slumping against the tree. More like bad year. "We were defending _things_ that decided to invade in your death and well apparently they don't die."

It was strange. He should have been very angry at Loki. He had spent countless of hours ranting about him and yet here, he felt a certain odd calmness. Tony shut his eyes tightly, had to be the tree fucking with him. He twitched, trying to muster the anger that he had felt for the asgardian.

Nope. Nada. The tree must be a no rage zone, that or he couldn't care less in death. Oh well.

He crossed his arms, watching the Asgardian paced back and forth with that very deep furrow on his brows.

"Did you win?" He asked quietly, stopping in front of Tony.

There was a strange pain in the Asgardian and a very human attribute that Tony would have never attached to Loki.

He shrugged. "Died before I could find out." Tony stuck his hands in his pockets, casting a glance around him. The mist that surrounded the tree and them was thick that it could have been a solid wall had it not been for the wisps that tendril at his boots.

"Were you winning?" Loki asked. There was a very persistent look on his face that Tony really didn't know how to react to.

"Probably. Until your dickhead friend decided to be… well an asshole. So like, is there a way of going home or did I get my so-not last wish granted and haunting you for the rest of whatever life you have?"

"Haunting me?" He raised an eyebrow then pinched his nose bridge.

The look on the Asgardian face was definitely very human. Tony had always considered Loki to be less human than anything considering that the other Asgardians he met was more expressive.

Before Tony could explain, Loki sank to the ground and placed his scepter beside him. "So I decided to do the right thing after all."

Loki palmed his face.

Do the right thing?

Anger roared in his ears, swamping all other thoughts out. "Do the right thing?" Tony tersely spat out. "Do you know how many people died because of you? How the fuck is that doing the right thing?"

He smiled wanly at him. "But without my interference, you would have stood no chance at all." A war of emotions flittered across the Asgardian's face, emotions that Tony didn't understand or thought that asgardian would ever express. He had only seen the sneer and mocking smirk whenever Point Break had asked then begged Reindeer to stop. Here, he showed guilt and humility.

He was doing a very good imitation of a goldfish before the Asgardian took pity on him.

"Yggdrasil selected me to be her champion and she showed me the future. I have choices." Loki explained and clenched his knees. Tony could see the white of bone on his knuckles. "To be a good man and damn every one or to be an evil man and save all that I could."

"You could have told someone about it!"

Loki merely smiled. "I assumed I would have thought of it but as you can see, the best decision was still to become Yggdrasil's champion and be a villain to save them all."

Tony stared at the Asgardian in disbelief. "You don't really think that you were some hero that you needed to be worshipped do you? Seven million, Loki. Seven fucking million people." He pulled the Asgardian by the collar, breathing heavily into his face.

"Then what did you do?"

"I built my bots to destroy you over and over again. That's what I did."

Loki smiled. "Did they help?"

"Oh they crushed you alright. Burnt you. Why the fuck are you still alive anyway? I killed you, made sure you were bloody dead too."

Loki tugged his cape collar from his grip. "You're not really here. The tree brought you here to show me what the future might be."

"And it picked me? Boy, I feel lucky."

The smart bots that he had made to defeat Loki had been the whole reason why Earth had not been initially overrun. Tony clutched his chest, hand grazing on the bark as he tried to stop himself from falling to his ass. He was hyperventilating, he knew that. He had had it frequently after Pepper died.

It's a bloody coincidence that's what it was. Loki was dead. This is some fucking mind trick he was playing with him. Tony felt bad for teasing Clint all this time now. If this was how mind control felt, he shouldn't have doubted on Clint's control. All this felt real.

He dug into the tree. Not real. Just a dream.

As he glanced back up the tree, Tony realized that Loki had disappeared. Coulson was there this time.

"Agent?"

The man turned to him with a frown. "Stark? What are you doing here?"

"Eh? I died." He shrugged.

"Died? Please tell me you won." He pinched his nose bridge.

"Won what? I won a lot of things. I won the grand pixar for technology and-" Tony faltered, suddenly catching on what Coulson had been referring to. "You knew? You knew about this champion shit thing? You know and you didn't tell us?"

Coulson shrugged. "Loki apologized for killing me you know."

"And that makes it alright?" Tony slammed a fist on the tree. "He killed you! How can an apology make anything alright?"

"I had a dream about Yggdrasil the night before Loki visited me. This very tree. Showed me several things, was really interesting." Coulson touched the bark lightly.

"You know-"

"It could have been from Loki right? But you've been here." Coulson smiled blandly at him. "Does it feel like it could be a lie?"

Tony stared back up at the tree. There smell of grass, leaves, nature, the flare of stars beating against the blanket of twilight. It was a tree, the tree but if Tony closed his eyes, he could feel the sway of the air caressing the grass just beyond his senses and the soft forest murmuring in the wind.

He wouldn't admit it and Coulson knew, he was right. There was no way this could feel like a lie.

"To live longer, only for more people to die or to die to let others live. I made my choice Tony."

He spun his head around so fast that he almost got whiplash. Coulson never called him Tony, it was their thing. Coulson gripped his shoulder, his face still patently Coulson's emotionless emotional face.

Tony heard the smile in his voice, gentle and effusively patient. "We are only pebbles in the road of destiny. No regrets Stark-"

And everything dulled out.

* * *

"Don't try to get up Tony," Steve was pressing him down onto the back. Turning his head slightly, Tony stared at Steve. "What happened?"

"You died Tony."

"Heimdall reported that you passed through the leaves of Yggdrasil"

"The iggy iggy tree?" Tony stared blearily at Thor.

"Heimdall saw you pass through the leaves of Yggdrasil and informed me to know that you were in good hands. I was gladden but saddened at the news. That you were a great enough warrior to pass through the leaves of Yggdrasil-" His cheerful expression belying the strain in his voice as Thor attempted to finish his sentence.

"Tree what tree?" He was too tired for Thor's nonsensically shakespearean speech. "Oh yea. I had helluva dream too. Lots of girls chasing after me to sleep with them." Tony mumbled, not awake enough for this. Must be something in the cocktail that gave him.

"Do you ever take anything seriously?" Tony didn't need to watch Steve to hear the roll of eyes. Besides, that was pretty much his trademark comment now.

"Nope." He grinned sleepily, popping the P. Steve's lips twitched in response.

"Sooooo I died.. but I'm alive again?"

"Stark, the GH-325 brought you back. You shouldn't move yet. Don't worry, we won."

"Yea man. Just sleep it off. Thanos apparently died to summon Death who killed the shit out of them," Clint chirped from the other side of the bed.

"We won?" He gasped and did a little arm wavy cheering thing. "Yaaaay. I'm taking a week's vacation after this."

"More like three weeks of prescribed rest."

"You got to be kidding me," he groaned, slumping back into the pillow.

Just a hell of a dream, right?

Tony breathed with relief before falling back to sleep.

* * *

The coat.

Tony woke up with a start.

The coat. The stitches in the coat.

He flailed, half consciously calling for Thor. "Thor- The coat-" he gasped in a raspy voice, grabbing Thor when he finally arrived.

"Please stay down." Thor took the seat that someone had just vacated.

"Thor. The coat." He clenched Thor's large forearm.

The coat had been a source of curiosity. All the tiny marks found in the inner of the coat, what were they for? The majority of the Avengers had agreed it was probably victory marks. Thor had never said anything about it.

"What coat? This?" He placed Pepper's last worn coat into his arms.

Tony shook, feeling a sharp pain in the back of his head. "Loki's coat. The marks. They're not victory marks."

Thor shook his head with a rueful twitch of his lips. "I know. My brother was crazy and-"

"No!" Tony yelled, shooting upright and ignoring all them telling him to lie down. "No! He wasn't!"

"Tony. You're acting really crazy." Steve said, placating pressed him back to the bed. "Loki killed millions of people. You remember that right?" He motioned to Bruce and before Tony could react, there was the sharp prick on his neck.

Tony shook his head, his hand still gripping Thor's. "He saved all the zillions too. The smart bots. He was Yggdrasil's champion. He became a villain to save us." He murmured, letting Thor catch him as he fell asleep.


End file.
